... Which means you are free to wear glasses, content in the knowledge that it's acceptable, now that I do it and all. Imagine a chubby Charles Bronson wearing nerd glasses and you'd be on the right track. What's that, you're suddenly and uncontrollably aroused? Thought so. It's ok, I am too, I caught sight of myself in the reflection from my phone screen and went from 6 to midnight.
Someone's gunning for my crown I see. Oh well, I suppose it's time for me to show the world what I'm really made of.
So I'm back. I haven't posted in a couple of weeks because... well... fuck it, none of you actually know me so I can tell the truth without having to look you in the eye afterwards so here goes. I had a mid-life crisis. I know, you're thinking "I thought you were in your twenties" well I am, I turned 25 just over a week ago and, for me, that is tantamount to becoming middle-aged. I don't give my body, or indeed my central nervous system, an easy time of it and thusly I'm under no illusions about how long I'll be around, if I see 60 it'll be a goddamn miracle and I'm ok with that, I just don't like knowing that I'm getting older. You see, I used to be someone you could have a good time with around 5 years ago or so, I partied, I had charisma, I had hair and I was somewhat roguishly charming, but in the last few years all those traits have slowly but surely faded out. I'm now in my mid twenties and whilst I may be able to share an interesting anecdote or three about my shenanigans I have accomplished roughly fuck all. I've lost the hair, gained weight, my roguish charm has turned into spiteful discontent and I fear the level at which I insist on partying, drinking excessively and indulging in all manner of other assorted misbehaviour have become a bit sad and pathetic. If I were to die tomorrow no one would really have much to say about it aside from maybe something along the lines of "Did you hear yer man's dead? Homeboy thought he could fly one time. Turned out he couldn't." Outside of a few family members and a handful of friends I've had no real meaningful relationships of any kind and I've been sort of a huge disappointment both professionally and academically. These are all things that never bothered me before. If you had told me six months ago "You've become stagnant, you can't be Keith Richards because you're not in the Stones," I'd have told you to get fucked and then done something needlessly destructive and ill-advised just to prove my point but in the last couple of weeks I've come to some horrible realisations and it was not a good feeling. To that end I have been too busy drinking alone in the dark, drinking unhealthy amounts at social gatherings under the guise of "banter" and having more meaningless carnal encounters, so basically, business as usual. What the fuck?! I had this big epiphany about becoming less of a fucking burnout then to take my mind off the soul crushing reality of my circumstance I went out and did it all again. So, if you were wondering whether or not I'm going to become all boring and conservative and stop saying things just because I feel like it and stop being the utter embodiment of wasted potential etc you can rest easy in the knowledge that I am, apparently, completely fucking incapable of maturity! YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!! I had toyed with the notion of joining Club 27 anyway so I may as well go out full-fucking-throttle while I'm at it. Goodbye mid-life crisis hello business as usual. I could go into all the sordid details of what I got up to over the last couple of weeks but it could be viewed as an admission so I'll just leave you with some songs that I've been loving today.
