Motivation is a cruel mistress.

I absolutely detest having to do things. There are things that no one likes doing but they just do them because it's all part of being alive, they just grit their teeth and engage in activities that hold no enjoyment for them whatsoever. I envy these people. I can't just do something and get on with it, if I have to do something I don't want to do I get so pissed off about it that it manifests physically. That's right I have so much hatred bubbling under the surface that it's noticeable even when I'm sitting silently doing nothing. I once received a call from my landlord at the time saying that he was on his way to see me about a problem I'd been having with the heating. He said he was in his car and would be with me in around 20 minutes. It was my day off work and I had been entertaining a female acquaintance the night before so I had to get her on her way and clean up before he arrived meaning that on my day off I was woken up early and missed out on morning after sex and I had to tidy up. I fucking hate tidying up. Now a normal person would see this as an inconvenience and become somewhat frustrated. I clenched my teeth so hard from pure rage that I broke two of my teeth without realising until the pieces of teeth fell out of my mouth when I tried to speak. That is an example of how much I hate doing things, not just tidying up and missing out on a mid-morning throwdown, anything that isn't something I specifically want to do.

This week I have two assignments to do. I have done zero research on either and they both look to be a complete bastard to do. I just cannot motivate myself to do anything anymore and now I have 6.5 days to do two major assignments and I'm spending my time writing a blog that maybe 3 people will read and that 0 people will give half a shit about. I don't understand how other people manage to motivate themselves to do things they don't enjoy, I just don't get it at all. My body just won't cooperate when I try to get it to do something that isn't in the least bit fun. I spent yesterday trying to think up ways of getting out of doing these assignments. My immediate thought was to put a knife through my hand and say I can't type but I don't think anyone would believe it was an accident. I thought of a few more ideas like a fake abduction or stepping out in front of a car, anything to try to get out of this, then I took a dark turn. I started wishing that I would come down with a life-threatening illness overnight. Seriously. What in the name of fuck sake is wrong with me? Wishing for my deathbed all because I can't get motivated to do a couple of fucking assignments. The worst part is that I don't even feel bad about it, I know I'm supposed to because you're not supposed to behave like I do but I'm not even sorry. If I knew with absolute certainty that it could be re-attatched in working order then I would saw my arm off to get out of doing these fucking assignments.

On a lighter note this old woman looks like the most fun ever, I'd take a werthers original from her.

In keeping with the lighter, more fun oriented latter half of todays post check these two fuckheads out. Seriously, what the fuck did they think was going to happen? The shitmuncher in the ridiculous trousers has a look of anguish on his face that was so perfectly helpless that I almost got stiff. I love it when people get hurt.

 

Quote of the day comes courtesy of Tony, Paulie and Chris from The Sopranos:

Tony Soprano: [over the phone] It's a bad connection so I'm gonna talk fast! The guy you're looking for is an ex-commando! He killed sixteen Chechen rebels single-handed!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Get the fuck outta here.
Tony Soprano: Yeah. Nice, huh? He was with the Interior Ministry. Guy's like a Russian green beret. He can not come back and tell this story. You understand?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I hear you.
[hangs up]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You're not gonna believe this. He killed sixteen Czechoslovakians. Guy was an interior decorator.
Christopher Moltisanti: His house looked like shit.