Apparently all bald people are criminals.

Good afternoon. As I'm sure you're aware this is my first post and as such I think I should use it to communicate some information to you that may help you understand my posts in the future. If I were to be measured against the yardstick of society I would fall into the 'Bastard' category. I don't particularly agree with this as I don't see how I could be any worse than anyone else but it doesn't bother me either. I'm not a bad person I just don't pretend to be nicer than I really am and I believe social diplomacy is the crutch of the weak. I like to say the things that I want to say, not the things that you, or anyone else for that matter, may believe I should say. If you can reconcile yourself with this fact then we shall become firm digital friends. I shall pretend to take an interest in what you say about my posts and then at the last second I'll pull the rug out and insult you in a manner which you may not fully understand with a cheeky grin and an attitude that says "come on now, you had to know that was coming", you know, just like a real friend would.

A couple of years ago I noticed a bit of a bald spot forming around the crown of my head and not wanting to look like one of those pathetic non-entities who try to cover it up and cling to any semblance of a flowing mane like a child who can't accept that there's no juice left in the carton I shaved my head. I shaved it all off and never looked back. I had come to terms with it by the last stroke of the razor. Apparently society has not. If an older man loses his hair and decides to preserve his dignity by keeping the scraps of youth around the sides of his head short and relatively out of sight people respect him in doing so. If a man in his twenties does the same he is a clearly a blaggard and a scoundrel, one who should be stared at by bouncers and followed around shops by greasy 40-something year olds who still live with their parents and think a security uniform awards them a distinct command of respect. These things don't bother me as I know that I am better than these people and they're only giving me a hard time because deep down they know it too. One aspect of peoples judgment that bothers me is what happens when I get past the over zealous, earpiece wearing malcontent standing outside the door of the bar pacing up and down like Cerberus at the gates of Hades, the people inside. I can't remember the last time I was in the centre of town after 11:00pm and I wasn't asked by at least 5 people "here mate, you selling any gear?". I'm bored of it now, it's been years. The thing that bothers me most about it isn't the telling them to piss off part, I love that part, it isn't even that I'm having my night interrupted by it, it isn't even the fact that it's usually some rake-thin hipster dickhead wearing tighter jeans than the girl he's with, it's the answer I receive to my inevitable question, "what exactly gave you the impression I was a drug dealer?". The answer folks is always a combination of muttering, trying not to look me in the eye and general spastic reasoning; "I don't know, you just sort of look like you might be". Great. I can sleep sound tonight knowing that I've gotten to the bottom of the mystery of why people constantly confuse me for a cast member from The Wire, because I "just sort of look like" I might sell drugs. Well you, tight-jeaned floppy fringed fuckface, you look like you might chain swallow the semen of a dozen men every Saturday night but I don't interrupt you while you're having a drink with your friends and ask you how it tastes, I keep my half-baked theories on your social agenda to myself and I mind my own bastard business. If, by now, reader you are thinking that at the beginning of this rant I wasn't really arsed about the bald thing but now it seems to be bothering me quite a bit then you're right. I have a massive fucking chip on my shoulder now about being bald because apparentely it makes me look like a complete scumbag and I'm not a scumbag, I'm an arrogant dickhead with a tremendous sense of humour and a killer smile, there's a difference.

Here's how I would look with hair

Here's how I actually look due to having my thick locks untimely ripped

I know it's hard to believe but trust me, a twenty-something Alec Baldwin is almost as attractive as I would be with hair. I know because he told me. I agreed. It was a pleasant lunch by all accounts.

I'll end this post with something I shall include in every post, my 'Quote of the Day'. Todays quote comes from the fantastically egotistical Dennis Reynolds from one of the best shows on TV at the moment, It's Always Sunny in Philadephia:

"I hate listening to people's dreams. It is like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody is having sex, I just don't care."