So, I wear glasses now...

... Which means you are free to wear glasses, content in the knowledge that it's acceptable, now that I do it and all. Imagine a chubby Charles Bronson wearing nerd glasses and you'd be on the right track. What's that, you're suddenly and uncontrollably aroused? Thought so. It's ok, I am too, I caught sight of myself in the reflection from my phone screen and went from 6 to midnight.

Someone's gunning for my crown I see. Oh well, I suppose it's time for me to show the world what I'm really made of.

Aaaaaaaaaaheheheheheheheheheeeehhh

I know the focus was probably on Natalie Portman for the role of "hot chick" in Thor but not for me...
Kat Dennings at Thor premiere? Yes please.

Still from upcoming Cogans Trade for any of you who are interested

for fans of In Bruges (which had better be all of you) Seven Psychopaths - New Martin McDonagh movie

Fan speculation on Dark Knight Rises plotlines and character arcs

Here are some nice pleasant tunes for you too. Be prepared for plenty of breaks, I've been loving breaks these past few days. BEAT CITY.

How about that for an intermission.

So I'm back. I haven't posted in a couple of weeks because... well... fuck it, none of you actually know me so I can tell the truth without having to look you in the eye afterwards so here goes. I had a mid-life crisis. I know, you're thinking "I thought you were in your twenties" well I am, I turned 25 just over a week ago and, for me, that is tantamount to becoming middle-aged. I don't give my body, or indeed my central nervous system, an easy time of it and thusly I'm under no illusions about how long I'll be around, if I see 60 it'll be a goddamn miracle and I'm ok with that, I just don't like knowing that I'm getting older. You see, I used to be someone you could have a good time with around 5 years ago or so, I partied, I had charisma, I had hair and I was somewhat roguishly charming, but in the last few years all those traits have slowly but surely faded out. I'm now in my mid twenties and whilst I may be able to share an interesting anecdote or three about my shenanigans I have accomplished roughly fuck all. I've lost the hair, gained weight, my roguish charm has turned into spiteful discontent and I fear the level at which I insist on partying, drinking excessively and indulging in all manner of other assorted misbehaviour have become a bit sad and pathetic. If I were to die tomorrow no one would really have much to say about it aside from maybe something along the lines of "Did you hear yer man's dead? Homeboy thought he could fly one time. Turned out he couldn't." Outside of a few family members and a handful of friends I've had no real meaningful relationships of any kind and I've been sort of a huge disappointment both professionally and academically. These are all things that never bothered me before. If you had told me six months ago "You've become stagnant, you can't be Keith Richards because you're not in the Stones," I'd have told you to get fucked and then done something needlessly destructive and ill-advised just to prove my point but in the last couple of weeks I've come to some horrible realisations and it was not a good feeling. To that end I have been too busy drinking alone in the dark, drinking unhealthy amounts at social gatherings under the guise of "banter" and having more meaningless carnal encounters, so basically, business as usual. What the fuck?! I had this big epiphany about becoming less of a fucking burnout then to take my mind off the soul crushing reality of my circumstance I went out and did it all again. So, if you were wondering whether or not I'm going to become all boring and conservative and stop saying things just because I feel like it and stop being the utter embodiment of wasted potential etc you can rest easy in the knowledge that I am, apparently, completely fucking incapable of maturity! YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!! I had toyed with the notion of joining Club 27 anyway so I may as well go out full-fucking-throttle while I'm at it. Goodbye mid-life crisis hello business as usual. I could go into all the sordid details of what I got up to over the last couple of weeks but it could be viewed as an admission so I'll just leave you with some songs that I've been loving today.

Hungover again?

You know it son! Wiser men than I have said that the key to a fulfilling life is to do what makes you happy, well, drinking all the time makes me happy and if that means I'm going to die before I'm 30 then at least I'll go out stinking of whiskey and excellence. To that end I'm, once again, too hungover to hit you with a proper post.

*sleazy laugh*

Is that Dustin 'Screech Powers' Diamond? (*EDIT* when I originally posted this I was paying such close attention to the guy I thought was Screech that I didn't even notice the rest of the cast, minus Belding, cycling along in the background there.)

Seeing that smug twat Jeremy Kyle getting a small measure of comeuppance just gave me a blue-veined diamond cutter of a hard-on.

Still one of the best moments in football.

The best moment in football.

Tunetastic.

Todays scene.

Weekend links yo!

As always at the weekend, I'm dangerously hungover and as such I have no intention of putting effort into writing up a well constructed and thought provoking critique of modern life the likes of which you've come to expect from me so I'll hit you with a few pics, links and videos.

I'm loving this picture although I'm a bit pissed off I didn't think of this pose first.

Outstanding. This man is clearly not to be underestimated.

Louis CK possesses a wisdom beyond that which his haircut suggests.

Stake Land - a vampire film that actually doesn't look like a big box of bullshit.

I can't get enough of these songs today.

Todays scene; one of the few instances where Lester Freamon loses his stoic demeanor. Another great moment on The Wire.

The reason so many people are unemployed...

... Is because job applications nowadays are almost impossible to get through without thinking about killing yourself at least twice. Long gone are the days when a job application required that you fill in some personal details, an overview of your education and employment history, provide references, maybe even include a smartly typed up CV if you had one and then write a few paragraphs about what a goddamn legend of a person you are and how if you aren't hired then said company will surely end up bankrupt within the quarter. Now a job application consists of all of that plus at least a dozen needlessly expansive and irrelevant questions like "Explain how your views on the reluctance of certain South American nations to encourage freemarket reforms will provide you with a better understanding of how to prioritise your workload during a leap year" and "Describe your estimated reaction to entering the staff common area during your daily rest period and discovering the engine room of a Mississippi river steam boat instead of a broke down coffee machine and half of a ping pong table and how this highly improbable series of events would impact on your ability to adhere to the company-wide clear desk policy". I honestly have no idea what the fuck these companies are trying to achieve with these unneccessarily complicated application forms. The applications I'm referring to aren't those for a high-level national security coordinator or goddamn Alan Sugars accountant, they are jobs like stacking a motherfucking shelf in a supermarket and selling a goddamn Blackberry. Surely the only questions one need be asked regarding these positions are "Can you lift things up from one place and set them down in another?", "Can your hear and understand when people speak to you?", "Do you speak English?" and "Are you secretly a ghost trapped in corporeal form until such times as you can complete some vital part of life you never got around to the first time?". Those should be the only questions asked by these employers.

If one were look at the application process for these companies, or similar employers, and try to imagine the calibre of employee one might imagine a smartly dressed charmer with an impressive education and career background with excellent people skills and the ability to work under pressure that would make motherfucking James Bond look like a tightly-wound knot of anxiety. This would be frighteningly inaccurate as the people who inhabit the drab aisles of these victuallers of provisions and the overly bright and noisy beehive-like environment of the dreaded technology pushers aren't the scholarly smooth talkers you may have imagined but lifeless, soulless, and in most cases, brainlesses husks in an ill fitting company-issued uniform who have neither the knowledge, nor the desire to help you or even acknowledge your presence. I generally have no problem with this as I have no desire to interact with anyone when I'm unfortunate enough to have to enter a shop. I just want to pay for what I need and get the fuck out without having to as much as make eye contact with anyone. You may now be asking yourself "well in that case, why have such a whinge about it you stupid bald useless waste of life?!". The reason I'm having a whinge about it is because I don't see the point in designing an application to weed out those who haven't the mental agility or general wherewithal to deal with overly detailed and far from pedestrian scenarios they are presented with during the application process when they are going to go ahead and hire the type of person you wouldn't trust to make a cup of tea. For the sake of my own sanity I'm going to go ahead and believe that the application processes are designed to pick out those who may cause trouble for the management, aka, the smart ones. Weed out the thinkers and you won't have a revolution on your hands when you try to implement a mandatory company pension fund. No one with half a brain is going to argue with us or make us feel like the falsely superior cretins that we are. This is how I'm going to choose to rationalise it, it's the only way I'll be able to get through another one of these bastard forms is to think that while I may have wasted an hour and a half of my life filling out a form for a job I could do drunk and blindfolded I will have made the management feel small with my well constructed and pseudo-modest answers to their preposterous questions. Either that or they'll just think I'm a pompous dickhead and they'll offer me the job because they think I'm one of them, either way, I win. At least that's what I'll tell myself.

Hump day link session.

I've been spending the majority of my day cleaning the house (I know, who'd have thunk right?! I am, believe it or not, a bit of a "clean freak" or as I call it "someone who doesn't like to live like an animal or a grunge guitarist") so I haven't really experienced much to rant about today, therefore links to the max! I could indeed have a moan about the job situation in this country but at this stage that seems a bit redundant... pun intended.

I love sexy tattooed girls. I love sexy girls without tattoos too, I'm not prejudiced like that.
Sexy tattooed girls gallery (SFW) ...kind of

Apparently there's a range of Metal Gear Solid inspired clothing out now. I like some of it, but I love wearing military style clothing, I always feel tactical, I feel like I'm fully prepared, you know fashion wise, should the apocalypse occur while I'm out buying a bottle of cheap rum or picking up a score bag.
Metal Gear Solid store Peace Walker clothing line

So someone decided they were going to make a list of the best places to visit if you want to get shitfaced without being judged and decided to include various events from around the world where at certain times excessive drinking is encouraged and yet this person decided to exclude the great nation of Éire. A country where I find I'm able to get dangerously drunk 5-6 times a week and no one bats an eyelid. Here's the pointless article in question in case you want to have a look at what lengths people have to go to in order to overindulge in other countries.
10 best drinking events/festivals

Yesterday I forgot to include a proper quote/scene of the day so today I'll try to make up for it by including two.

One of my favourite plotlines from Curb your Enthusiasm. Jeffs reaction to the accusation the nurse makes is priceless. Enjoy.

"Give me her goddamn number, I'll go over there and twist that ass up Larry!" I find Leon very hit and miss but when he's good he's actually funny.

If you don't understand what libraries are for then you shouldn't be in one.

People who make unneccessary noise in libraries deserve to be put in prison. In with all the nonces because they are no better. Whilst I know that my dream of incarceration for those who insist on being noisy in an environment that makes specific reference to the fact that it should remain a quiet area will probably never come to fruition, I do think something should be done about these fuckfaces. I'm referring specifically to the library of my university. they recently spent a few years and, I would imagine, an obscene amount of money constructing and fitting a new university library for the students. This brand new library was to be the shining diamond of the university. It's noisier inside the library than it is outside. Seriously. The problem is the dickheads and arseholes who've been bussed in for the academic year from the middle of county-fucking-nowhere who use the library not for studying or typing out assignments but for talking to each other on facebook (I also scoped at least two people on bebo, fucking BEBO! I didn't even think that still existed.) and watching videos on youtube. Library computers are for actual university work not cunting about on fucking bebo and buying "funny" tshirts off some cunty website that sells clothes with culchie* slang on them. As if the noise from their spastic laughing and constant chair sqeaking isn't enough they also insist on walking around talking to each other about things that are "deadly hey". If you want to have a conversation then fuck off outside or to the coffee shop, don't stand chatting about whatever country reject bar you're going to with your buck-toothed wide-hipped girlfriend over the top of people who are trying to write up a piece of fucking work. It is clearly stated on a sign in every library around the world that quiet must be observed at all times so I suggest that if someone isn't even smart enough to work out that they shouldn't be treating a library like a fucking street corner then they clearly aren't smart enough to be in third-level education. Can't keep quiet in the library? EXPELLED! Taking up space at computers broswing the heat magazine website when other people need the computers for actual work? EXPELLED! Culchie fucking halfwit bastard? EXPELLED! These inconsiderate fuckholes should be shown no leway, they should be kicked out of university after being hung up in the middle of the library for all those who they've inconvenienced to smash their faces with bricks and cut bits of them off and flush down the toilet. Maybe we could line them all up in the car park and mow them down. Then reverse.

*A culchie is Belfast slang for an utter dickhead. It's anyone who lives outside of a 5 mile radius from Belfast city centre. Culchies only wear clothes other than tracksuits on special occasions. They're also unable to form sentences. They come to university as an excuse to get out drinking in Belfast for 3 years and show an utter disregard for the locals, although the latter part isn't really their fault, I blame the parents, they were dragged up by mucksavages who think satellite TV is a myth and domestic abuse is a god-given right. There are a few notable exceptions, those being any of my friends who are culchies. They are my friends because they don't fit the typical culchie profile, that's why I allow them to enjoy my company.

So I asked her to get down on my johnson and she said "only if you link me out"...

Oh. Wordplay. Ha.

The pictures pictures of celebrities with Steve Buscemis eyes started surfacing last week but I'm still finding them amusing. You'll find a link to the full gallery below a few of my favourites.

 

 This doesn't even look 'shopped. I always keep a picture of Kesha at the beach on my phone in case I need to deal with a pesky public erection in record time. Nothing kills an irritating bus boner like a quick look at Kesha. She makes me feel so sad. I'm no oil painting so I'm in no position to criticise the looks of others but her apparent belief that she is a sex symbol is an insult to the intelligence of sighted people everywhere. She also constantly looks like she could use a bar of soap and wire brush to scrub the grime and cheap glitter off.

This is the only worthwhile thing I've ever seen involving that scrote from that parade of dickheads program and that's all down to Steve Buscemis eyes.

And here I was thinking it was impossible for Rihanna to sicken more than she already had.

Celebrities with Steve Buscemis eyes gallery

The fact that this show got renewed for a second series has been the only good part of my day. The show is Louie starring comedian and demigod Louis CK. Check him out below.

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark...

That something is the fact that I don't have any of these to hang on the wall of my fuck-laboratory or wear around my neck like a goddamn sandwich board while I'm walking around shouting esoteric insults and non-sequiturs at strangers and motherfuckers on the bus. The following images are from an upcoming exhibit in New York on the 27th of this month (my birthday coincidentally) in some goddamn art gallery. The exhibit in question is titled 'Quentin vs Coens'. I won't include all of the images, just a few of my favourites, but I will include a link or two below them where you can view a wider selection of Tarantino and Coen brothers inspired pop art.

Quentin vs Coens gallery 1
Quentin vs Coens gallery 2

I don't advocate violence towards women but bitch had to know she was about to chow down on a fresh knuckle sandwich. You can't wake a sleeping man like that, we're like tigers, ready to pounce even when we're unconscious. Captain skidmarks in the brown t-shirt is clearly rethinking his stance on practical jokes now too.

On a related note, here's an old clip that I still haven't gotten bored of yet, I love it every time...

Boom, Plainview'd motherfucker.

I really want to meet this guy, I bet he'd be hilarious to watch in action. I also believe it is too good to be genuine.
Douchiest phone message in history

'Quote of the day' has evolved from a mere quote to 'quote/series of quotes/video/scene of the day' depending on how I'm feeling. Here's todays...

Old people are dicks.

They really are. I suffered the misfortune of having to go to the supermarket today and because it was a Thursday afternoon and all the normal people were at work or at home sniffing glue the place was packed full of people who should have had the decency to shuffle off this planet decades ago. When you're so old that you literally reek of decaying flesh you should just do the right thing and fucking die. The worst ones are the ones who try to cover up that horrible death smell with that even more disgusting old woman perfume. You know the stuff I'm talking about, the stuff that all women over the age of 60 seem to fucking bathe in. It is the worst smell in the world and it's so strong that if you are unlucky enough to be in the presence of someone who's sprayed what seems like upwards of a gallon of it on themselves then you too will stink of it for hours. Odours aside old people are bullshit. They can't do anything right, not even push a trolley. What a complete set of bastards. They have to move the trolley to one side of the aisle while they take up the other half of the aisle trying to bend over to look at something they have no intention of buying. After spending an hour and a half trying to navigate around the bastards to do 15 minutes worth of shopping I seriously wanted to euthanise every last one of them with a sharp cranial strike with a claw hammer. I can't believe they put Shipman in jail, that sour-faced old cunt in Buckingham Palace should have given him a bloody knighthood, honestly, I need to stand behind an army of century old shufflers like I need a hole in the bollock. To pass the time while I was waiting on these coffin dodgers to move one step at a time I fantasised about running around the supermarket with a massive trolley that looked like something from Robot Wars, mowing down all in my path while the song below played in the background.



Here's some stuff I looked at and watched to calm myself after my ordeal.

Probably old hat by internet standards but I have only just discovered this. For fans of Draper/Jon Hamm and Lost Boys and it's outstanding Tim Capello moment.

Gina Carano has long been the star of my alone time thoughts.

It's Always Sunny is one of my favourite shows and the guys giving out the flyers for their "party mansion" was a brilliant scene, here's the flyer in question (which, in the show, they designed to look like a bicep but later discovered it looks more like a certain other appendage).

In keeping with the topic of It's Always Sunny here's todays quote

"I'm trying to smoke these Hornets to death so I can get their honey."

Busy day cop out post.

I'm having a busy day so pictures and links thar be.

You know that they say, you might be cool, but you'll never be Edgar Allan Poe with 8 upturned collars cool.

The fact that there are people out there in the world who actually dress like this and think it's acceptable makes me feel so good about myself.

The most truthful image the internet has to offer

Boom. Draper'd motherfucker.

I see a lot of myself in Don Draper. The fact that I would even say this without any hint of a joke should only serve to make my point.

This is brilliant.

 

While we're on the topic of Inception I'll put up my two favourite Inception meme pictures. There were tons of good ones circulating the internet but these two actually made me laugh.

If any of you are fans of one of the greatest TV shows of all time, The Wire, you should have a look at this article, if only for it's take on the infamous 'Fuuuuuccckk' scene.
Victorian vision of The Wire

I'm not usually one to criticise peoples choice of tattoo because I wouldn't react favourably to someone criticising mine but some of these are just completely fucking stupid.
God-bloody-awful tattoos.

If any of you are ever looking for gift ideas for me I absolutely want one of these.

South African pseudo-gangstas? Do it. Yes that defnitely is a sample cover of Beat Boy by Bronski Beat. Outstanding.

Todays quote is actually a collection of quotes in video form coming from a relatively unknown BBC Scotland show called Still Game. Jack and Victor are exactly what I imagine myself and fellow blogger WhiteRabbitNIs ( http://whiterabbitni.blogspot.com ) boyfriend will be like when (read : if) we are in our 70's.

Motivation is a cruel mistress.

I absolutely detest having to do things. There are things that no one likes doing but they just do them because it's all part of being alive, they just grit their teeth and engage in activities that hold no enjoyment for them whatsoever. I envy these people. I can't just do something and get on with it, if I have to do something I don't want to do I get so pissed off about it that it manifests physically. That's right I have so much hatred bubbling under the surface that it's noticeable even when I'm sitting silently doing nothing. I once received a call from my landlord at the time saying that he was on his way to see me about a problem I'd been having with the heating. He said he was in his car and would be with me in around 20 minutes. It was my day off work and I had been entertaining a female acquaintance the night before so I had to get her on her way and clean up before he arrived meaning that on my day off I was woken up early and missed out on morning after sex and I had to tidy up. I fucking hate tidying up. Now a normal person would see this as an inconvenience and become somewhat frustrated. I clenched my teeth so hard from pure rage that I broke two of my teeth without realising until the pieces of teeth fell out of my mouth when I tried to speak. That is an example of how much I hate doing things, not just tidying up and missing out on a mid-morning throwdown, anything that isn't something I specifically want to do.

This week I have two assignments to do. I have done zero research on either and they both look to be a complete bastard to do. I just cannot motivate myself to do anything anymore and now I have 6.5 days to do two major assignments and I'm spending my time writing a blog that maybe 3 people will read and that 0 people will give half a shit about. I don't understand how other people manage to motivate themselves to do things they don't enjoy, I just don't get it at all. My body just won't cooperate when I try to get it to do something that isn't in the least bit fun. I spent yesterday trying to think up ways of getting out of doing these assignments. My immediate thought was to put a knife through my hand and say I can't type but I don't think anyone would believe it was an accident. I thought of a few more ideas like a fake abduction or stepping out in front of a car, anything to try to get out of this, then I took a dark turn. I started wishing that I would come down with a life-threatening illness overnight. Seriously. What in the name of fuck sake is wrong with me? Wishing for my deathbed all because I can't get motivated to do a couple of fucking assignments. The worst part is that I don't even feel bad about it, I know I'm supposed to because you're not supposed to behave like I do but I'm not even sorry. If I knew with absolute certainty that it could be re-attatched in working order then I would saw my arm off to get out of doing these fucking assignments.

On a lighter note this old woman looks like the most fun ever, I'd take a werthers original from her.

In keeping with the lighter, more fun oriented latter half of todays post check these two fuckheads out. Seriously, what the fuck did they think was going to happen? The shitmuncher in the ridiculous trousers has a look of anguish on his face that was so perfectly helpless that I almost got stiff. I love it when people get hurt.

 

Quote of the day comes courtesy of Tony, Paulie and Chris from The Sopranos:

Tony Soprano: [over the phone] It's a bad connection so I'm gonna talk fast! The guy you're looking for is an ex-commando! He killed sixteen Chechen rebels single-handed!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Get the fuck outta here.
Tony Soprano: Yeah. Nice, huh? He was with the Interior Ministry. Guy's like a Russian green beret. He can not come back and tell this story. You understand?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I hear you.
[hangs up]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You're not gonna believe this. He killed sixteen Czechoslovakians. Guy was an interior decorator.
Christopher Moltisanti: His house looked like shit.

Saturday cop out post.

Today I feel like I've been killed and brought back to life by a really crap shaman or something so I'm taking the easy way out with a collection of photos and videos I'm using today to try to make myself feel better. I could use this post to describe how I got into such a state. I could paint a word picture replete with bar hopping, whiskey pounding and the resultant chaos that ensued. I could do that, but it would be a lie. I didn't go out last night, I sat at home drinking alone and complaining aloud to no one about anything and everything that I felt warranted a slurred verbal reprisal and I loved every minute of it. Going out and socialising is for smug wankers and trendy fuckwits. That is until, of course, the next time I go out, in which case it'll be cool and alternative again.

I wholeheartedly agree with the point this picture is making. Kids today are useless. when I was young we did normal kid things and didn't have to be told where the line was, we were sensible. If I lit a fire I made sure not to put lighter fluid on it while I was standing over it, standard practice for lighting a fire in the street obviously. When I managed to get my hands on bottle rockets or bangers (or firecrackers) or any other mild form of explosive I was careful with them, the only people I threw them at were cops, and they aren't real people anyway so that doesn't matter. Kids today need to be told not to set themselves on fire, as if the fact that it's fire doesn't suggest that you shouldn't get any of it on you. I hate kids, they're the absolute worst at everything, especially being half normal. Loud bastards. If I ever have one it'll be up for adoption quicker than Debbie Harry.

Ha.

This is one of my favourite videos ever. Obviously it's weird as shit and a bit creepy but if you can look at it for the comedy genius that it is it's brilliant. Enjoy.

 

This is the best moment from The Mighty Boosh, a lot of people don't get them or say they try too hard to be weird but I think this clip was right on the money.

Quote of the day comes from Detective William 'Bunk' Moreland of The Wire, it's classic Bunk all around:

"There you go again, giving a fuck when it ain't your turn to give a fuck."

Apparently all bald people are criminals.

Good afternoon. As I'm sure you're aware this is my first post and as such I think I should use it to communicate some information to you that may help you understand my posts in the future. If I were to be measured against the yardstick of society I would fall into the 'Bastard' category. I don't particularly agree with this as I don't see how I could be any worse than anyone else but it doesn't bother me either. I'm not a bad person I just don't pretend to be nicer than I really am and I believe social diplomacy is the crutch of the weak. I like to say the things that I want to say, not the things that you, or anyone else for that matter, may believe I should say. If you can reconcile yourself with this fact then we shall become firm digital friends. I shall pretend to take an interest in what you say about my posts and then at the last second I'll pull the rug out and insult you in a manner which you may not fully understand with a cheeky grin and an attitude that says "come on now, you had to know that was coming", you know, just like a real friend would.

A couple of years ago I noticed a bit of a bald spot forming around the crown of my head and not wanting to look like one of those pathetic non-entities who try to cover it up and cling to any semblance of a flowing mane like a child who can't accept that there's no juice left in the carton I shaved my head. I shaved it all off and never looked back. I had come to terms with it by the last stroke of the razor. Apparently society has not. If an older man loses his hair and decides to preserve his dignity by keeping the scraps of youth around the sides of his head short and relatively out of sight people respect him in doing so. If a man in his twenties does the same he is a clearly a blaggard and a scoundrel, one who should be stared at by bouncers and followed around shops by greasy 40-something year olds who still live with their parents and think a security uniform awards them a distinct command of respect. These things don't bother me as I know that I am better than these people and they're only giving me a hard time because deep down they know it too. One aspect of peoples judgment that bothers me is what happens when I get past the over zealous, earpiece wearing malcontent standing outside the door of the bar pacing up and down like Cerberus at the gates of Hades, the people inside. I can't remember the last time I was in the centre of town after 11:00pm and I wasn't asked by at least 5 people "here mate, you selling any gear?". I'm bored of it now, it's been years. The thing that bothers me most about it isn't the telling them to piss off part, I love that part, it isn't even that I'm having my night interrupted by it, it isn't even the fact that it's usually some rake-thin hipster dickhead wearing tighter jeans than the girl he's with, it's the answer I receive to my inevitable question, "what exactly gave you the impression I was a drug dealer?". The answer folks is always a combination of muttering, trying not to look me in the eye and general spastic reasoning; "I don't know, you just sort of look like you might be". Great. I can sleep sound tonight knowing that I've gotten to the bottom of the mystery of why people constantly confuse me for a cast member from The Wire, because I "just sort of look like" I might sell drugs. Well you, tight-jeaned floppy fringed fuckface, you look like you might chain swallow the semen of a dozen men every Saturday night but I don't interrupt you while you're having a drink with your friends and ask you how it tastes, I keep my half-baked theories on your social agenda to myself and I mind my own bastard business. If, by now, reader you are thinking that at the beginning of this rant I wasn't really arsed about the bald thing but now it seems to be bothering me quite a bit then you're right. I have a massive fucking chip on my shoulder now about being bald because apparentely it makes me look like a complete scumbag and I'm not a scumbag, I'm an arrogant dickhead with a tremendous sense of humour and a killer smile, there's a difference.

Here's how I would look with hair

Here's how I actually look due to having my thick locks untimely ripped

I know it's hard to believe but trust me, a twenty-something Alec Baldwin is almost as attractive as I would be with hair. I know because he told me. I agreed. It was a pleasant lunch by all accounts.

I'll end this post with something I shall include in every post, my 'Quote of the Day'. Todays quote comes from the fantastically egotistical Dennis Reynolds from one of the best shows on TV at the moment, It's Always Sunny in Philadephia:

"I hate listening to people's dreams. It is like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody is having sex, I just don't care."